The San Diego Troubadour

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Hosing Down

Delusions of a Hollywood Star

How terribly dramatic . . . I'm actually writing this one on the steps outside the theater on Sunset Boulevard where Rock and Roll Heaven officially opens tomorrow night. We did two full shows today; a complete run-through in the afternoon was followed by a dinner break and then our final dress rehearsal in front of invited guests.

So that's all done, finished. There were a few scary technical problems but, overall, it's pretty astonishing how well the show has pulled together during our four weeks of rehearsals.

Oh, yes. Those four frantic weeks have been tainted by moments so hellish that I might hesitate before wishing their like upon George Bush.

As I said, I might. Like if dogs flew. Or controlled our country. Oops, scratch that. This is really getting weird.

So here I am, physically hijacked into Hollywood where, beginning tomorrow, I'll only have to be present on Fridays, Saturdays, and half of Sundays.

For the next ten weeks.

I feel as if I know Hollywood now, and I can say without hesitation that Hollywood is certainly no San Diego.

There's no Winston's here, no Jesse-San, no Claire de Lune or Lestat's, and (amazingly) no San Diego Zoo.

The Hollywood 'Zoo' is a 24-hour attraction, a unique collection of species that are distributed along a mile of star-studded pavement just a stone's throw away from our theater, running parallel to this legendary Sunset Boulevard. And Sunset, it seems, valiantly serves as a sort of training camp for the Main Stage to the north.

A fellow cast member was in something approaching ecstasy after having run into the celebrated Angelina Jolie the other night along the Zoo and was rather perturbed that I didn't exude the customary signs of envy as she breathlessly told the story. I suppose I might have been more enthusiastic if Ms. Jolie's extra-showbiz pursuits involved adopting crack babies or dumpster throwaways from some nearby neighborhoods rather than the vetted, protogenic overstock of some exotic-sounding, publicity-friendly foreign land.

When it (whatever 'it' is) comes down to it, my sole interest in the actress spawned by Jon Voigt is entirely clinical and concerns those 'bee-stung' lips and some equation about the likelihood of cuffs matching collars or something. But certainly not a priority at this point.

Rock and Roll Heaven has been greatly (and superbly) revised from the version I was involved with five years ago.

To me, the saddest deletion is the swell (or boss?) moment when my character, John Lennon, cautions the audience about the forthcoming controversial nude scene, whereupon Sam Kinison escorts the raven-haired skeleton of Karen Carpenter onto the stage. It was a pointed, biting warning of the power and inherent devastation of eating disorders, a scene I'm convinced must have saved thousands of lives in the early part of the post-nineties (let's come to common ground, people. As distasteful as it may be: how about 'the Aughts' once and for all, so we can get on with things?)

But little, really, has been lost. The current version contains an additional sequence that is, without doubt, equally profound.

Judy Garland, who was portrayed in the earliest version as a rather sad, cuddly, and dreamy fawn, is now all that as well as a big-time manic depressive, with balls.

Specifically, John Lennon's, which, in an excruciating scene, she 'squeezes' with increasing gusto until he gives consent for her to insert her own vast selection of standards into the set list of the upcoming rock celebration in Heaven.

The lovely actress playing Judy, Alex Spencer, brings to light the undeniable power of modern womanhood in a performance as real as it is inspiring, and I find myself each day more eager to perform that scene with her - to be so literally touched once more, taken in her grip, and led that much closer to the summit of human contact. It is a gripping scene and I'm sure Alex will have no trouble sensing my own enthusiasm, night after night.

And, as a performer, it's comforting to know how truly touched I can feel by what is essentially scripted action. Just another of the glories of live theater.

Rock and Roll Heaven, the musical comedy directed by Jason Mershon, plays Friday and Saturday nights and Sunday matinees at Theatre 68, 5419 Sunset Boulevard, Hollywood. Reservations: www.plays.411.com/rockandrollheaven or call 323/660-7774 to see the Hose sing and dance, even get jiggy wid condoms!